Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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