the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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