I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
