If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
