i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
