This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
