Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We don't watch enough power rangers
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
