I wanna bring you to show and tell
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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