I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you never un-have a 4some
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
