i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
