it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
