you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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