She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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