I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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