Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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