theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
