I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
