Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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