I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Less talking, more tequila
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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