thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
