how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
