I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
