your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
