i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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