i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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