I'm so fucking centered right now
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
