dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
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Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
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My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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