he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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