I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
