I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
