their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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