Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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