Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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