I'm going to rape someone's good day.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
