I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
