I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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