So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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