New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
