i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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