he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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