have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
