Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
