You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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