your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
