My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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