Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
