the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
