So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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