Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
