anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
