Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
