hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
