Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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