hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
