I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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