Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
