dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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