Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
