Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
