Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
