There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize