My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
