honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Randomize
