There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
