i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You've changed since you got that strap on
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
