His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
