You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
