whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
