So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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