I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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