He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
