Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
