i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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