Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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