I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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