how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
