she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I am one with the molecules
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
