We tried having a conversation with our noses.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
