trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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