She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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