That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
