I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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